Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
