You're my little dorito
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
