I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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