I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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