i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
