The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
