the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
