im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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