What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
