Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
