When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
