every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
