Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
