you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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