dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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