one might say we're banned from that church
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
