so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
