The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
being pregnant is like rehab
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
