If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
