i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
