one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dick has a subreddit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
