I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
