he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
