Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
