the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
