even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
