Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
