Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
