Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
