i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
