This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
