she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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