I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
