that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
