Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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