now i know why i became what i already was.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
