I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
