Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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