You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
