Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
