I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
