drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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