Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i dont even know how to be here
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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