so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
