MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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