my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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