Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
