how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
