Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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