I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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