We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
