You're my little dorito
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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