I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
